Finding the Love of Your Life


(Secret, it’s not about volume.)

A woman, we’ll call her Sheryl, came into a session and declared: “I am going on 2 dates a week until I meet the right guy.”

Sounds smart right? I hear this a lot.

Thing is, it’s not a numbers game. I will say that again – finding your love is not a numbers game.

So I asked her, “Do you want 50 husbands or the right 1?

“It’s about quality, not quantity. 99% of the people out there are not right for you. And that’s a good thing. It makes the search so much easier when you let go of the shoulds and focus on what you want.”

Sheryl: “Really?” She breathed a sigh of relief.

Adelma: “Yeah. And believe me, I tried. I went on literally hundreds of dates. I have met tons of men, good men – during my MBA, traveling the world, running marathons, online dating for 4 years in NYC.”

Sheryl: “So what is it about?” 

Adelma: “I think it’s about being crystal clear on who you are and what you want, and speaking it. This magnetizes you.”

Sheryl: “But what if I am so specific it turns people away?”

Adelma: “Great question. Let’s say you are an explorer and you love geeking out at a science museum. The person who is really into that will love you for it, be drawn to it and there is your connection. The person who isn’t into it will be turned off, but so what. Better to find out now then 4 dates, months or years later.

If you hide you the person looking for you can’t find you. Instead of trying to be perfect and then putting a ton of effort into looking, simply speak who you are and be open to receive beautiful love. It’s coming when the time is right.”

Sheryl: “Ahhh, it feels so freeing,” she said, glowing.

Try this:

  1. On a sheet of paper, list all the qualities the person must have – generosity, communication, etc.
  2. Now write out why each one is important to you. Remove any “shoulds”, fixes or qualities that you cannot articulate why they are important.
  3. Envision your life with this person — what does it feel like? What are you doing? Write a short paragraph describing what you see.
  4. Pull out the key qualities and moments and add them to your online dating profile or use them on dates.
  5. Know that your clarity and heart will attract this person who will either be right, or will show you more clearly what you really want. Gracefully let the others go.




  1. pamela harrington says:

    Great blog. I have a list but hadn’t thought of using it as you suggest. I’m going to try it.


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